Lenten Internship

I've decided that internship is like lent. For those of you who are wondering what internship is like, just reflect on your own lenten journey (or the cartoon).

First, you are all excited and wait in eager anticipation for lent / internship to begin. Oh, those ashes on Ash Wednesday. I love those! Finally, a chance to be with others and remember our mortality in this world that tries to tell us we will be immortal if we buy more, be more, more more more!
The same with internship. I'm going to Norway! Yeah! I'll get to find out what it feels like, what life is like as a pastoral person. Finally, no more grades, no more tests. Oh, and the added bonus of getting feedback on one's ministry and even personhood from so many sources. Oh, this will be great, I'm sure.

And then we move into week 1 of lent: This is still great. We're starting a rhythm. Weekly worship gatherings that are a bit smaller and provide time for reflection, and maybe a communal meal. This is nice, it feels slower.
And the first quarter of internship: this is great! I get to schedule my own day. I'm meeting so many interesting people, who are sharing their lives with me. This internship thing should be a piece of cake.

And then the weeks start to blend together: week 2? week 4? what week are we in? Shouldn't Easter be coming soon. I think someone got the calendar wrong. We're tired of carrying the cross. Can't we celebrate. Uff-da, this lenten discipline is hard! How is this drawing me closer to God anyway. Yuck, who likes reflection anyway. Let's party!
And so too do the weeks of internship blur together, but in strange ways. This year that once stretched out in front of me like waving prairie grass, now seems like a muddy field. I am enjoying internship, but this middle time is so strange. So much left to learn, and be, and do. Yet, this time is already and not yet. I am viewed as a pastoral person, with responsibilities, with abilities, with trust. Yet, I am not yet a pastor. I am not yet given full responsibility. I am still developing my abilities. And I'm still not quite sure what this call is all about.

Time is blurring. This learning experience of internship is becoming heavy, just as lent is becoming heavy. Easter is just around the corner, but its not yet here. But, the big secret is that we know it is coming, Jesus has already died and risen again. We hope and trust in this.
The same for internship. Even though I have not yet been ordained - I don't even know for sure that I will be ordained - I hope that I will be ordained. I trust that this call from God is true. I hope and trust that my internship will be successful. In order for internship to be a success I must hope and trust.

Jesus has already died and and has already been resurrected. But, each year I wonder if we will get to Easter again or if we will be engulfed in lent. This is my first time through internship, but others have been through it before. I am surviving and thriving, but its not easy. I suppose its not supposed to be easy. But, like lent, it is true, it is good, it has reminded me that I am not God, but am called by God to live faithfully and truthfully. Yes, this is lent. Yes, this is internship.

Uggh.