Not liking lent

I don't like lent anymore. Funny how things seem to flip around when one becomes a pastoral person, with all those pastoral responsiblities. I used to love the Wednesday evening community gatherings for worship and maybe some education time and of course food. I used to love that lent felt more focused. I used to love Maunday Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter (well, I have loved Easter recently, but not while a youth director coordinating a massive Easter Breakfast). Notice, I say 'used to'. But, I may again love them. This too shall pass...as we used to say in my seminary apartment.

(By the way, I have no pics of my lenten journey, so here are some random pics for you. Caption: I got my haircut!)

This week I am drained. I know ya'll want to know my fun adventures in Norway, that I'm on some great long-term vacation. But, in reality I get to live out a true Pastor person lenten season. I am tired.

It started even before lent when we had to get the lenten devo book ready and I got to spend some time with the the not-so-upbeat writings of Jermiah. Last week when 2 of my days were consumed with making pastoral visits to some congregation members. I love making those visits, I love being with people in their homes, to bring commuion. This is holy business and holy ground. But, it drains me of energy.

Then Saturday night I got sick. But then after my bout of sickness and instant weight-loss, I did feel better. (Caption: At a Baby Shower at church.)

Bright shiny spots are occuring though! On Sunday evening I was invited by a new Norwegian friend to her church for the Sunday evening worship service. Plus, she introduced me to a bunch of her friends. How nice not to be a person in leadership at worship! Plus, all those friendly norwegians. Amazing!

This is the humdinger week though. On Tuesday we did my Mid-Year internship evaluation at my internship committee meeting. Great review, but still time consuming and a bit of heightened sensibility. But, I did get some of the Valentine's conversation hearts to munch on! (They aren't even sold here, so bonus!!) Then, I preached last night at our midweek lenten service. Again, not excruciating, but took a lot of emotional energy. And the final straw is that I preach again this coming Sunday. Whew!

I feel like I'm walking around with an ever growing 'to do' or 'should have already been done' list. I'm reminded of a blog article by 'PeaceBang' - one of my favorite fellow clergy bloggers - entitled Ministers Wives and Ministerial Expectations in which she talks about the demands of life for clergy, particularly single clergy. But, maybe if I just let it be, maybe this tiredness can bring me back into the season of lent. Of remembering that this is not about me, but about walking with Jesus. If I don't try to hold on so tight, to always be perfect, that God will take some of my burden. To remember that ultimately, God is in control and I never will be. And I never will be perfect. (Caption: sun streaming into the sanctuary.)

Maybe this will help. But right now I'm too tired to remember all of that theologizing. Maybe lent is really living in the tiredness of life, the tiredness that Jesus probably felt on the way to the cross. I don't know. I don't mean to complain. I don't know if I like lent either.